Of Broken Hearts, Shattered Dreams and New Beginnings

Just when you thought you had life cut out for you somebody pulls out the rug and you ended up landing on the ground. Hurt. Swept away as if the wind knocked out the life out on you.

That's what I felt two years ago or so from today. Life was doing good. You can't complain. Then suddenly a big storm comes bringing havoc and chaos to your once little pleasant life. You try to stand up and rebuild but the ground had become too soft and shaky that no foundation could withstand it.

So I ran away. My once stepping stone to our big plans became my excuse and solace to breathe - away from what seem to me was a suffocating space. My then paradise was now a garden full of weeds. No matter how hard I try, it seemed to me that the weeds are out to get me. I knew I had to go.

Escaping and hiding was a big risk I was willing to take. For my sake. Though it pains me to leave the people I love, I had no choice. Shielding them from my pain has always been my first instinct.

Now the past had come up again. I was way better now than I ever was before. Nothing could ever surprise me at this point, and yet I feel there should be something more than what I am feeling right now. As one quiz I took said, "I am getting there," but what does it mean? I've been trying my best to get by and I know I'm getting better at it.

But I still feel lost. The sun is slowly peeking through the clouds yet the road still seems blurry. I envy him actually because he is now on his way to a new beginning. Again. And here I am, still picking up the remaining pieces.

I'm almost done, by the way. Just a little tidying up and I'm on my way.

The Big 3-0!

The day is almost over and I can't believe how fortunate I am. I used to dread this day. The big 3-0. Plans have been made on the summit of this day. And when my bubble shattered into pieces, it seemed difficult to pick and combine the pieces altogether. Now, as I look back, I couldn't help but smile. Yes, there are moments when my heart cringes as I recall the bittersweet memories but now, I could say that I'm getting there. I really am getting there.

This feat would not have been imaginable without my dear friends. People who have been in and out of my life for the past two years and helped me stand up and suck it all up. They were the people kept me sanity in check, may it be in a big way or not. Mentioning everyone would be a difficult task because I know I may forget one and that wouldn't be good. And though most of them wouldn't even have any idea of what I've written about them, I know that in their hearts they know that they will be valued by moi.

And as my cyber-celebration comes to an end, I pay tribute to the people who drove my soul. So thank you guys (kraft pips-quality and mfg group, bbs, the nasugbu crew, medix pinoys, dolor brood and kada 5ngko!) The big 3-0 wouldn't have been possible without you.

Drive My Soul - Lights

Seems somebody put out the moon
Now the road is a mine field
I cant follow the way she moves
I cant see past the shadow
You make the darkness disappear
I feel found when you stay near
I know where I am when you are here.
My way becomes so clear

When you are gone
Will I lose control?
You are the only road I know
You show me where to go
Who will drive my soul?

Seems somebody burned out the signs
I can't expect the hard curves
There is no borders
There are no lines
How can I know where to turn?
You make the street lights reappear
I feel bright when you stand near
I know what I am when you are here
My place becomes so clear

When you are gone
Will I lose control?
You're the only road I know
You show me where to go
Who will drive me soul?

Will I lose control?
You're the only road that I know
You show me where to go
Who will drive my soul?
Drive my soul

When you're gone
Will I lose control?
You're the only road I know
You show me where to go
When you're gone
Will I lose control?
You're the only road I know
You show me where to go
Who will drive my soul?

Guys, this song is for you!

Empty Space

A song I stumbled into during Holy Week:

Empty Space

There's an empty space in your distant gaze,
and you may look away, the void still stays.
There's a hollow part in your weary heart,
and though you try again, no smile can hide your pain.

Fear not the night within. That's where My light begins,
so you may one day see My face. Only I can fill your days.

There's a raging storm in your broken soul,
and how you wish away your troubled days.
There's an open door at your deepest core,
and though you lose your way you'll still come home someday.

Fear not the noise within, that's where My voice begins,
so you may one day hear My song. Only I can still your storms.

There's an empty room, there's a hidden wound:
this heart that burns for you, if only you knew.
You're the missing part in My yearning heart,
and I will stay around until the day you're found

May this, My whispered song,
lead you to come back home
till we're no longer far apart.
Then will your laughter fill My heart.