Getting Back

I'm trying to revive this blog again.

Had to get something good to write though. With all the stuff that's been going on with me, I should be able get things organize, and hopefully post something worthwhile.

We will soon.

Abangan...

Of Broken Hearts, Shattered Dreams and New Beginnings

Just when you thought you had life cut out for you somebody pulls out the rug and you ended up landing on the ground. Hurt. Swept away as if the wind knocked out the life out on you.

That's what I felt two years ago or so from today. Life was doing good. You can't complain. Then suddenly a big storm comes bringing havoc and chaos to your once little pleasant life. You try to stand up and rebuild but the ground had become too soft and shaky that no foundation could withstand it.

So I ran away. My once stepping stone to our big plans became my excuse and solace to breathe - away from what seem to me was a suffocating space. My then paradise was now a garden full of weeds. No matter how hard I try, it seemed to me that the weeds are out to get me. I knew I had to go.

Escaping and hiding was a big risk I was willing to take. For my sake. Though it pains me to leave the people I love, I had no choice. Shielding them from my pain has always been my first instinct.

Now the past had come up again. I was way better now than I ever was before. Nothing could ever surprise me at this point, and yet I feel there should be something more than what I am feeling right now. As one quiz I took said, "I am getting there," but what does it mean? I've been trying my best to get by and I know I'm getting better at it.

But I still feel lost. The sun is slowly peeking through the clouds yet the road still seems blurry. I envy him actually because he is now on his way to a new beginning. Again. And here I am, still picking up the remaining pieces.

I'm almost done, by the way. Just a little tidying up and I'm on my way.

The Big 3-0!

The day is almost over and I can't believe how fortunate I am. I used to dread this day. The big 3-0. Plans have been made on the summit of this day. And when my bubble shattered into pieces, it seemed difficult to pick and combine the pieces altogether. Now, as I look back, I couldn't help but smile. Yes, there are moments when my heart cringes as I recall the bittersweet memories but now, I could say that I'm getting there. I really am getting there.

This feat would not have been imaginable without my dear friends. People who have been in and out of my life for the past two years and helped me stand up and suck it all up. They were the people kept me sanity in check, may it be in a big way or not. Mentioning everyone would be a difficult task because I know I may forget one and that wouldn't be good. And though most of them wouldn't even have any idea of what I've written about them, I know that in their hearts they know that they will be valued by moi.

And as my cyber-celebration comes to an end, I pay tribute to the people who drove my soul. So thank you guys (kraft pips-quality and mfg group, bbs, the nasugbu crew, medix pinoys, dolor brood and kada 5ngko!) The big 3-0 wouldn't have been possible without you.

Drive My Soul - Lights

Seems somebody put out the moon
Now the road is a mine field
I cant follow the way she moves
I cant see past the shadow
You make the darkness disappear
I feel found when you stay near
I know where I am when you are here.
My way becomes so clear

When you are gone
Will I lose control?
You are the only road I know
You show me where to go
Who will drive my soul?

Seems somebody burned out the signs
I can't expect the hard curves
There is no borders
There are no lines
How can I know where to turn?
You make the street lights reappear
I feel bright when you stand near
I know what I am when you are here
My place becomes so clear

When you are gone
Will I lose control?
You're the only road I know
You show me where to go
Who will drive me soul?

Will I lose control?
You're the only road that I know
You show me where to go
Who will drive my soul?
Drive my soul

When you're gone
Will I lose control?
You're the only road I know
You show me where to go
When you're gone
Will I lose control?
You're the only road I know
You show me where to go
Who will drive my soul?

Guys, this song is for you!

Empty Space

A song I stumbled into during Holy Week:

Empty Space

There's an empty space in your distant gaze,
and you may look away, the void still stays.
There's a hollow part in your weary heart,
and though you try again, no smile can hide your pain.

Fear not the night within. That's where My light begins,
so you may one day see My face. Only I can fill your days.

There's a raging storm in your broken soul,
and how you wish away your troubled days.
There's an open door at your deepest core,
and though you lose your way you'll still come home someday.

Fear not the noise within, that's where My voice begins,
so you may one day hear My song. Only I can still your storms.

There's an empty room, there's a hidden wound:
this heart that burns for you, if only you knew.
You're the missing part in My yearning heart,
and I will stay around until the day you're found

May this, My whispered song,
lead you to come back home
till we're no longer far apart.
Then will your laughter fill My heart.

Jersey Boys - A Review

Jersey boys is about the music and the lives of Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons. More noted with the songs, "Can't Take My Eyes Off You" (Yes, that same song that Heath Ledger sang and danced in Ten Things I Hate About You) and "Big Girls Don't Cry" (the song used in a baby shampoo commercial a long time ago, not that Fergie song).

The play was somewhat new to me. It was a narration type where the characters (or in this case, the members of the band) had a hand in telling the story. At first I didn't understand it but as it went on, it became clearer. Their story happened from the year they were formed until they became Rock n' Roll hall of famers. It revolved around the struggles in a music group including family break-ups and financial problems. I guess with fame and success, an enriching personal life is not part of the picture. But what I admire most in the story is the loyalty and friendship showed by Frankie to his groupmates. Once fame and success is achieved, it is very hard for someone to look back to his humble beginnings and I think Frankie was able to do that. His personal life may not have been good as his career was taking off, he was able to make up for it. Or at least tried to. As he was renewing his relationship with his daughter, she suddenly died. But his love and dedication for what he does, did not falter him.

Overall, I liked the play. One thing that prevented me to really enjoy it was my seatmate. She was not at her best that night, with her coat draped over the seat, I could not help but notice the smell. Grabe, ang baho! Gave me headache all through out the show. Malas lang. But the show should have been good. Just that.

image courtesy of http://blog.cleveland.com/popmusic_impact/2008/06/large_fourseason0608.jpg

Happy 60!

Just wanted to greet my dad a happy 60th birthday. Though he's miles away I just want to thank him and wish him the best.

Happy birthday, Papa. I may not be the greatest person to show affection but I know you know that I love you. See you when I get back.

One Week - The Review

"To strive, to seek, to find and not to yield."

-From the movie, One Week

This was posted in the credits of One Week staring Joshua Jackson. It is about an English teacher diagnosed with cancer who buys a motorcycle and travels westward, from Toronto til Vancouver, in search for the meaning of his life. In this movie, Ben was portrayed by Joshua Jackson, whom was known in the movie Mighty Ducks and the hit tv series Dawson's Creek.

The movie started as Ben was being told by the doctor that he has cancer, so aggressive that he doesn't any have much time left to live. As he goes home, a narrative tells how he was as a child until at present, how he has given up things he thought he was good at when people had criticized and belittled his abilities. With only little left, he buys a motorcycle and starts to embark on a journey as he searches for the meaning of his life.

On his pursuit westward, he has met people along the way whom had given him a different perspective in life and made him realize the value of the people he had left behind: his family and his fiancee. He eventually came home and faced his family, armed with renewed strength and hope. The movie ended with him, writing and publishing a novel about his journey.

The movie was inspiring. Although, the format was a little different for me. There was some narration throughout the movie which tells us what Ben or some other character was thinking. It tells us to never give up on what we believe in or enjoy to do and gives us a perspective that each and every person that we meet may have a contribution to what could happen to us today or tomorrow. One thing that I didn't like though is its ridicule to the crucifix (Christ was shown in one cross, one hand doing a dirty finger). I'm sure Catholics who had watched this would surely be offended (I know one, who did).

This movie is not something I would be raving about. Although it has a good message, I don't think it would create such an impact in the box office. Maybe it would, in some way, since it's a Canadian movie supposedly featuring the Canadian scenery. Good thing we watched this movie on a Tuesday night, tickets were cheaper by 50%.

images courtesy of http://media.podhoster.com/mongrel/images/one-week-podcast.jpg